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18 Things that Happens When Liverpool play Manchester United

Not the Messiah, just a very naughty boy...

Manchester United's Marouane Fellaini gestures in frustration after a collision with Liverpool's Dejan Lovren during the UEFA Europa League match at Old Trafford, Manchester.

Liverpool and Manchester United clash on Monday night and we’ve already got our knickers in a twist

Who doesn’t like a good old Liverpool v Manchester United battle to warm the cockles on a Monday night? Let’s face it, the two most successful English clubs of all time hate each other and we’re anticipating eighteen things that might happen at Anfield…

1. Monday is officially Red Monday
Monday 17 October doesn’t even exist in the Sky Sports studios. Don’t you mean “Red Monday”, the latest attempt to rebadge a day of the week. It’s because Liverpool and Manchester United both play in red you see. Apart from “Red Monday” where United will play in white…

2. Both managers will “sweat” over key players
That’s what managers do when it comes to injuries and fitness. They sweat from every pore. And what about the jet lag after international duty, will somebody think of the jet lag?!

3. Anfield will be spine-tingly brilliant…
You’ll Never Walk Alone belting out from the Kop on a Monday night just before kick-off? Yes please. What an atmosphere this promises to be.

4…although we’ll probably get some dodgy chants
No place for them obvs.

5. Marouane Fellaini will get booked
The Belgian has seen yellow in the past three Liverpool v Manchester United clashes. He’ll probably get the nod as chief henchman for this game.

6. Daniel Sturridge will be really wasteful
With Lallana struggling to be ready, Klopp is likely to play his arrogant forward who won’t pass the ball ever. He’ll probably write “Daniel’s” on it in black marker pen.

7. Mourinho will get asked why Rooney is on the bench
And he’ll respond with a shrug of his shoulders and stare at the interviewer.

8. Mourinho won’t get asked why Ashley Young is on the bench
Because that doesn’t make any sort of headlines does it?

9. One cameraman will film Wayne Rooney all night
As he sits on the bench talking behind his hands to Ashley Young and eating a Slush Puppy.

10. James Milner will score a penalty
If Liverpool are awarded a spot kick. Milly has bagged three goals from the spot in the past two games and his twinkle-toed team-mates might take a tumble.

11. Sadio Mane will be scythed down by Daley Blind
Blind’s been doing well at left-back although dark arts might be the only way to stop the speedy Sadio on Red Monday.

12. Matip and Ibrahimovic will grapple like WWE wrestlers
Joel Matip has been arguably the best Premier League defender of the season. But he’ll get a stern test from Zlatan who likes to come deep for the ball before roving into the penalty area.

13. Jurgen Klopp will fail to keep calm
The loveable German just can’t control himself. He’ll probably gesticulate for the Kop not to count their chickens despite leading 4-0 in the 89th minute.

14. Philippe Coutinho will be denied space…
Stopping Liverpool means Manchester United getting tight on their chief playmaker.

15…Although the little Brazilian will still crack the woodwork
Because that’s his thing. Seriously powerful long-range efforts from any sort of angle which often rebound off the post or crossbar.

16. David de Gea will play a blinder
He always does.

17. Eric Bailly will be bamboozled by the opposition passing
He always is.

18. The match will fail to live up to the hype
It always will, sigh.

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